Got Quads?

As a mom of quadruplets, I’m somewhat of a novelty among friends and co-workers. Let’s face it… you may know people with twins, but it’s less common to know someone with triplets or more. So I’ve been asked a lot lately about the woman in California who gave birth to octuplets this week.

I haven’t had much to say until now. News came to light in recent days that I find a tad disturbing. I’m not going to judge this woman for reportedly going through fertility treatments (in vitro fertilization) when she’s already the mother of six children, including a set of twins. How a person decides to add to her family is up to her. We could have a long debate over whether the woman should have been allowed to pursue assisted reproductive technology (ART), but I’m simply not going to be drawn into that discussion.

My issue is this: according to CBS News and various other media outlets, the woman’s mother says eight embryos were transferred during the IVF procedure. Eight? Eight?! This is pure irresponsibility on the part of whatever clinic did this procedure. Sure, there’s a chance not all of the embryos would have implanted, but there’s also a chance that the embryos can implant and split! Eight? When I went through IVF we transferred three embryos, and even that is pushing it. All the embryos implanted and one split, resulting in quadruplets. The reproductive endocrinologist we worked with said anything more than twins is not considered a success. No one wants to intentionally put a mother and her babies at risk… at least that’s what I thought until this controversy came to light.

I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions and still making sense in this post. I don’t blame the woman in question. When you’re on an exam table about to undergo the embryo transfer it’s a scary time. You hope and pray that one embryo will implant and nine months later you’ll have a baby. I can tell you though if the option to transfer eight embryos had been available to us, we would have said no… I think. I’m not saying I want octuplets, but it’s hard to say what decision I would have made in the heart of the moment. But why that option was there in this case is beyond me.

One fertility specialist interviewed on CBS called it a “medical disaster.” So much is coming to light in this story that it’s making my head spin. The people I know who have pursued ART have not made the decision lightly. We have all looked deep in to our hearts, trying to figure out the best way to start a family. We don’t go through IVF, intrauterine insemination or other procedures because we want multiples. We choose these options because it seems like the best fit for our circumstances in our quest to have one  baby. I’m concerned how others will view our choices based solely on this case.

I am blessed to have four wonderful daughters and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I just hope others realize what a blessing my family is and don’t judge us based on one case.

The way this economy is going, there’s a good chance you’re looking for ways to save money, even if you don’t have four toddlers to feed and clothe. I’ve found some easy ways to do this.

Clip Coupons

Really, folks, this should be a no brainer. Even as someone who tries to buy store brand over brand name, I can generally find several coupons in my Sunday paper to clip. Most times the coupons allow me to buy brand names cheaper than store brand products. The money you save more than makes up for a subscription to the paper. (Want to know just how cost effective coupons can be? I have a friend who knew Walgreens was having a sale on makeup, because I told her about the sale. With her coupons she ended up getting four things of eye shadow for free. A luxury? Sure, but if it’s free does it matter?)

Shop at Discount Stores

I am not ashamed to admit that Big Lots is one of my favorite stores. It’s also my first stop when I go grocery shopping. You’ll find many brand name food products for less than the grocery store. Do your homework, though. Not everything there is a good deal.

Ditch the Long Distance

This one may not be for everyone. We do not have a long distance carrier. Instead, I buy phone cards and save a ton. Walgreens typically has a buy one get one free deal on $20 phone cards (360 minutes), so you get 720 minutes for $20. The cards don’t expire for 12 months. 

Do Your Homework

It pays to familiarize yourself with the cost of the products you buy the most. That way you’ll know a good deal when you see it. Plus you’ll know whether it’s cheaper to shop at the store with the lowest prices or the store that doubles your coupons.

There’s really no right or wrong answer. You have to do what’s best for your family. So let’s weigh the pros and cons.

Pros

I try to dress my daughters alike when we’re out in public. Sure, it attracts a lot of attention, which drives my husband crazy. But I would rather keep track of four of the same pink shirts, then try to remember who had on what color. Safety-wise, similarly dressed children help me keep my sanity.

It stops arguments. By about age 1 my daughters would fight over clothes. I’m not kidding. If one of them got to wear the purple dress they all wanted the purple dress. Not an easy argument to solve if you only have one purple dress. If I know something is going to be a hit I make sure I have four of it (Christmas dresses, shirts with favorite characters, etc).

It’s so cute. I know, that comment makes you want to gag, right? I don’t dress my daughters alike as much as I used to, but I’ll do it until they tell me to stop. Some day they will absolutely refuse to wear the same clothes, so I might as well enjoy the novelty of it while I can.

Cons

The biggest draw back of dressing multiples in the same outfits is that they tend to be seen as a group, rather than individuals. I always make sure my daughters have on different outfits when they go to school. If they’re dressed alike there’s a good chance they’ll be seen as “the Quads.”

It draws a lot of unwanted attention. Some days, most days, I want to go out in public and enjoy my time with my family. When my daughters are dressed alike it’s the same as wearing a flashing sign that says “We have quadruplets. Please come talk to us!”

Sometimes it’s just too cute. Come on. We all like to see cute kids but seeing them in matching clothes, shoes, and hair accessories can be a bit too much at times.

The best judge of whether your multiples should dress the same is your multiples. Some days my daughters beg to wear the same things, other days they all want something different. I want them to be independent thinkers… even if it means they assert their independence by dressing alike.

Today is my dad’s birthday, so in his honor I thought I would share a humorous trait I’ve picked up from him.

When I was little my dad never got my name right. For a long time he called me by his sister’s name. Then my sister came along and I was called either his sister’s name or my sister’s name. Don’t worry, my sister experienced the same thing. I never understood how a parent could do that until I had four children of my own. Often times I find myself spitting out two or three names until my brain reacts and grasps the right name. Let’s face it… as parents we are often under pressure and trying to get the right information while under pressure can be impossible. My daughters love to correct me. “No mom, that’s not my name.” I figure eventually they’ll give up and let me call them whatever name comes to mind!

I once read that George Foreman named all of his sons George. I’m starting to understand his logic!

Most parents will agree, your child’s first trip to the dentist can be quite scary. Imagine trying to take four toddlers and convince each of them to open up and say “ahhh.” It’s actually something I was able to accomplish all because I chose to take my daughters to a pediatric dentist.

There are several schools of thought as to when a child should have her first dental exam. My daughters’ pediatrician and my own dentist said age three. The American Dental Association says no later than your child’s first birthday. We waited until age three and were cavity free, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have the same results.

Originally I planned to take my daugthers to my own dentist. Then I tried to make an appointment and the receptionist wasn’t keen on having young multiples in the office, going so far as to say I would be “wasting” valuable appointment time if my girls refused to open their mouths for a cleaning. So I moved to plan B and found a pediatric dentist. 

From the moment we arrived I knew our appointment would go well. There were video games in the lobby, which kept my daughters occupied until their appointment. This particular dentist has a safari theme, so each girl had her “passport photo” taken and received a stamp when she completed a task. The hygienists let each of my daughters try out the equipment, so they had a chance to squirt the water tools and even use the power toothbrushes. When the dentist came to check their teeth he sang an alphabet related song which alerted the hygienist to any problems, yet kept my girls entertained.

There’s nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned “regular” dentist, but having someone who only sees children really made the experience an enjoyable one for my daughters. They’re already asking to go back for a check-up.

During my elementary school years I hated snow days. School was a blast and who wanted to miss it? By middle school and high school I welcomed the extra days to sleep in. As a parent, I don’t necessarily root for snow days, but with the weather we’ve had in my area lately I’m a little concerned that school hasn’t been called off.

This morning I drove my daughters to preschool in near white-out conditions. I couldn’t see more than a half a block in front of me. I’ve got 4-wheel drive, so that’s not an issue, but I’m pretty sure the school buses don’t have that luxury. Plus, it was in the single digits and I saw plenty of children without gloves. Brrrr! 

Just two weeks ago I drove my daughters to school in similar conditions. On the way there I watched two cars spin-out in front of me. Fortunately no accidents occurred.

About a month ago we experienced frigid temperatures. I’m talking Arctic conditions. When I took my daughters to school it was -12. The temperature warmed up to -2 by the time I picked them up. Certainly that has to be dangerous for school kids who wait outside for the bus.

Clearly I live in an area where winter and snow go together like, well, winter and snow. Education is important. I don’t think school should be closed simply because the local TV meteorologist says it might snow. However, when the conditions seem dangerous, I wish more thought would be placed on the effort it takes to get children to school. I’m fine driving in the snow… it’s the bad drivers out there who worry me!

Today is my niece’s birthday party, but the way we’ve been feeling we’re just not going to make it. Bummer. My daughters are always ready for a chance to eat birthday cake. Knowing we’ll miss the party got me to thinking about my daughters’ recent third birthday. Multiples have to share everything. Sharing a special day can be really hard. I don’t expect people to always bring four gifts. There are some people who would rather give my daughters one big gift to share and that’s great. Still, I had to find a way to let them know even though they have to share their birthday they’re each special and should each be celebrated. I found a way to do that while watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. The Gosselin family sings “Happy Birthday” individually to their sextuplets, so I decided to give it a try. It was a hit. No one’s name was garbled as we tried to spit out four names during one singing of the song. Instead, each of my daughters felt special. One of them even blushed while we sang. Another one sang to each of her sisters with gusto and then gave her identical sister a kiss. Little things go a long way toward making multiples feel like individuals. My suggestion to those with twins or more: give this birthday song trick a try at your next party.

All parents have certain values they want their children to learn. I’m no different. Some days my daughters really get it, other days I’m so frustrated that I think they’ll never catch on. But those moments when you realize your children have learned something… it’s truly priceless.

About a week ago I came home from work exhausted and had to plunge right in to “mommy mode.” My daughters were beyond ornery that night and seemed to be doing anything and everything to make a mess. At one point they managed to get down the case that holds their DVDs and play air hockey with the discs. Then they took the rug in the kitchen and started using it as a blanket. I had a bit of a melt down and yelled at them to stop. As I turned away to compose myself, one of my daughters came over and said “Mommy, I’m sorry we made a mess.” Who could stay angry at that?? I’m still gushing with pride over the fact that I got an apology without asking for it.

Just a few nights ago, in the midst of all the sickness in our house, I came downstairs and found everyone snuggled on the couch. I started joking with one of my daughters that she was using “mommy’s blankie.” One of her sisters looked right at me and said “Mommy, she had it first. You’ll have to wait your turn.” Good point.

Every day they’re growing and learning and they continue to amaze me.

I should have known the illness going through our house would hit me. When  you’re taking care of four sick children, there’s really no way to avoid getting it, too. I washed my hands at every turn and did my best to stay healthy. Today is a much better day and I’m actually able to get out of bed. Ironically, being sick allowed me the first good rest I’ve had in several days. Two nights in a row I was up with sick girls and then one night up with a sick me… then last night everyone in the house actually slept through the night. I’m hoping to be back on track with posts tomorrow!

In the last 3 days I feel like I’ve done 50 loads of laundry to keep up with the sickness going through the house. I’m basically washing sheets and pajamas. During that time I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on what works best for us and thought I would share with you.

• Detergent

I started out using a detergent specifically marketed toward parents of babies. Afterall, babies have sensitive skin, especially preemies. Once my coupons for that detergent ran out I tried my luck with all Free and Clear . It’s hypoallergenic and doesn’t have any perfumes or dyes. I don’t know about you, but I want my clothes to smell clean and not like the rain forest (or whatever scents are out there).

• Fabric Softener

Maybe it’s the cute teddy bear, I don’t know, but I really like Snuggle liquid fabric softener. It’s keeps my clothes soft and a little goes a long way. I really don’t like dryer sheets and don’t think they do much good. (For the record, I don’t like putting a whole lot of chemicals into the wash, so I use dryer balls , which do cut down on the dry time. I just use a dash of fabric softener in the wash for added softness).

• Stain Remover

Hands down the winner is Zout . This product can get out set-in stains (think months-old spit-up) and a little goes a long way. You can even put a little in your wash to help clean all your clothes, rather than rid a specific item of a stain. 
Well, it’s about time to throw in another load. You know what products I’ll be using!