Feb 05 2009
Was it Natural?
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that question I wouldn’t need to give a care about this struggling economy. Sure, the question comes in many variations: “Was it natural?” “Did you have help?” “How did this happen?” The meaning is the same: did I have trouble conceiving children and will I share those difficulties with complete strangers?
When I gave birth to my daughters I worked as a TV news anchor. Because of my career in the public eye, I felt a responsibility to be up front about going through invitro fertilization (IVF). It often led to discussions with other women going through the same or similar treatment.
When I left that job and moved to another state, I no longer felt an obligation to discuss how my daughters were conceived. Yet, inevitably, the questions still keep coming. It happens in the oddest places. A few months ago the bagger at the grocery store commented on all the groceries I was buying. “This will hold you for a few weeks,” he joked. Upon learning I had toddler quadruplets and was simply buying a week’s worth of groceries he wanted to discuss right then and there how I could have possibly become pregnant with multiples. Frankly, I wanted to pay my bill and be on my way. Others like to say “Oh, I know someone with triplets. Did you do fertility treatments? Really? Well they didn’t, so imagine how surprised they were.” As if those of us who go through fertility treatments do it for multiples. Nope… we do it in the hopes of having a baby. Four is simply a blessing. One woman actually asked me if there are certain medications you can take to have multiples. Unbelievable.
Since the recent birth of the California octuplets it appears it’s open season once again on moms of multiples. I’ve gotten the “were they natural” question more times than I can count in the last week. So I’ll go back to my original statement: If I had a dollar… hey, maybe that’s the key. Anyone who wants to ask that question can first pay me (or the mom of multiples of their choice) and then we’ll gladly smile and give you an answer.
2 Responses to “Was it Natural?”
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Perhaps we could start an educational foundation. Just Because It’s Not In Your Family Doesn’t Make It Strange and Mind Your Own Business Society. Well, that name sucks. We’ll have to hire a think tank to come up with a better one.
I can appreciate that some people are curious, if it’s constructive or part of that overall educational process. When people ask me about fostering or adopting, I welcome it…to a point. If I think they’ll walk away “enlightened,” that’s great. However, if they’re just asking to pass judgment or for an opportunity to look down their noses, then I’m all for sockin’ them in the noggin. And if ANYBODY makes my son feel bad or second rate for his lot in life, WATCH OUT. I’ll have you knocked down flat before you take a breath.
http://foreverfamily.today.com
Honey! I haven’t seen anything on the news about the octuplets, but I’ve been told about them several times at the grocery store as well. I am the mother of twins also with the help of IVF.
I completely agree with you! Something about being the mother of multiples (it seems silly to call two “multiples” when compared to your four, but in any case) makes you completely accessible to complete strangers.
I cannot tell you the offensive things total strangers have said to me…but I will tell you that when I went for my colostomy the nurse who started my IV was a twin. In our conversation about twins he commented that his sister “cheated” and had IVF to have twins. If I hadn’t been in such a vulnerable position!
I hate to say it, but the average person is just…stupid! Ok, maybe ignorant is a better word. They think you place an order…”I’ll take twin boys, and give ‘em blue eyes” and then POOF, out they come. No muss, no fuss…
My soon to be ex-mother-in-law thought it was completely appropriate to tell people, upon introduction to me, that I had IVF to have my twins. The last time she did this, I told the woman I was being introduced to that my e-m-i-l didn’t know what to do about babies that were actually planned…since she and two of her children became pregnant before getting married. Completely inappropriate, but seriously!
Goo Luck!