Apr 10 2009
Friends are Friends Forever… Or are They?
I never thought I would be one of those moms who drifts away from her “non-mom” friends. Yet when I look at who I really keep in touch with now, yep, most of them are moms. Do all parents have this problem?
When my daughters were first born I made an effort to really keep in touch with people. I’m talking personal emails, phone calls, etc. But then reality took hold and it became harder and harder for me to keep in touch with everyone. Some people (usually parents themselves) gave me the benefit of the doubt. They know what it’s like to feel pulled in a million different directions every day. Other friends (typically the single ones or the ones without kids) gave up on me. I get it… to some degree. They didn’t understand why my replies weren’t prompt. Why my emails were usually updates on my daughters rather than me.
That’s not to say that I don’t still have friends who are either single or don’t have children. But the list is a lot smaller now. Hopefully now that my daughters are a little older I can start getting back in touch with the friends who have drifted away.
10 Responses to “Friends are Friends Forever… Or are They?”
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I like to think I still have a lot of the same interests that I had before my daughters were born, but I also have so many more. Keeping that connection with people who don’t always understand isn’t easy. Not that it’s entirely their fault.
I totally identify with this as well. It’s nice to have other mom friends because they understand when a week or two goes by and you haven’t called. Like you said, single people don’t quite get it. At the same time, I have noticed that it’s difficult keeping in touch with my friends who are unmarried with one child. Despite the common thread of at least one kid, our worlds are simply so different, it’s tough to maintain a relationship.
Great post, it’s good to know I’m not alone.
I still keep in touch with my friends back home and most of the are still single, but my friends who are married we lost communication, they’re too busy with their married life and kids.
Lindsaym: I wonder if we asked our single friends if they would say we’re the ones who don’t get it. It’s just too bad that our friendships have to suffer.
Dubster: Interesting that you’ve had the opposite experience… though it makes sense to some degree. Your married friends get so consumed in their lives that it’s hard for them to keep in touch.
Yeah, I found it hard to stay in touch with friends after I had the kids. Part of it was that I changed. Before the kids, I liked to party and hang out at bars. After the kids, I had no interest in that lifestyle. Now, most of my friends are parents of my kids’ friends.
Caregiving daughter: Yeah, even now some of my friends with older kids don’t understand why I can’t just drop everything and meet them for a drink or a girl’s night out. Even if I had a sitter, though, the bars just aren’t my scene anymore.
The Mother: It’s great to have those friends who know what’s going on with you and could care less how long it takes for you to be in touch. Meaning, if you go months without contact no big deal because when you need them, they’re there.
Laane: Even though you and your friends don’t see each other often, at least things are OK when you do see each other. (Hope the strike went well!)