Apr 13 2009
The Strange Things People Say to Me
Sometimes I think people are under the impression that when I had my quadruplet daughters I lost my hearing. That’s the only reasonable explanation I can come up with for some of the comments I hear when I’m out and about with my girls. Often times these things aren’t even said to me but simply spoken as though I’m not there.
The most common comments I hear:
- “Wow, you have your hands full.”
Actually there’s nothing obnoxious or offense about that comment, but I hear it all the time. It just gets a tad repetitive. I know I’m busy.
- “Was it natural?”
Hey, I don’t ask how you conceived your children, let’s back off on the personal questions with me! I try to be polite when this comes up because sometimes it can lead to a poignant discussion with someone struggling with infertility, but for the most part I really dread this question.
- “Do you watch Jon & Kate Plus Eight?”
I understand it’s a popular show, but I’m not a big fan. (Refer to this post to find out why). The show needs a little less Reality and a little more reality.
- “You must receive a lot of free stuff/assistance.”
Ummm, no. Yes, there are some companies that will send you coupons for free diapers or discounts if you ask. However, there is no such thing as government assistance for families who have multiples. We are subject to the same rules and income guidelines that all applicants face. No one stands at the hospital door handing us keys to a new car or house when our children are discharged.
- “Will you have more children?”
This is a question everyone wants answered. I don’t know. Is four enough? It seems to be for me, but who knows what our future holds.
- “Can I take your picture?”
I appreciate that you would ask, rather than start snapping away. When my family goes to the zoo, the park, the pool, we are there to have fun. We are not celebrities by any means. My daughters may be cute and perhaps you’ve never seen quadruplets before, but no, you may not take our picture.
It’s not just families of higher order multiples who hear these questions and comments. I know lots of moms of twins who are faced with these same questions on a regular basis. I’m not bitter. Heck, I’m not even lecturing. I would just hope that eventually the questions will stop and I can fully enjoy a day out with the family.
15 Responses to “The Strange Things People Say to Me”
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“Was it natural?” I’m such a snarky one. My first reaction is, “No, this is the latest set from Legos! Pretty life-like, aren’t they?” *Rolls eyes*
You’re still a mom with a group of small children with some of the same challenges (and a few unique ones) as the rest of us trying to raise small children.
Kudos to you for your patience. All parents need that particular commodity.
We are all fascinated with multiple births - and a gaggle of look-alike toddlers has got to be fascinating. Learn to smile and not answer.
Maxie
It’s amazing what people will ask complete strangers. I’m sure that you’ve had some very off-the-wall and intrusive stuff asked of you, being the mother of multiples. I was amazed that, after both of my children were born, complete strangers would approach (touch the baby, of course) and then proceed to ask if I was breast feeding. Umm, kind of personal. When I responded “no” I always got this disapproval and condescending look from these complete strangers and one even said, “Well, you know, breast is best.” My response was something like, “Well, you know, when your body physically does not produce any milk then breast is not best. I need to give them nutrition from somewhere.” The look of complete shock came over them and I really hope that they felt like big nosy butts after that. You are very patient and have probably just gotten so used to people’s curiosity that these inquisitions just kind of roll off of you. Great story!!
I love the “Lego” analogy, Stephanie. I may actually use that as a response some day!
Maxiegirl: I appreciate that most people rarely see triplets or more, which is why I try to humor them to a degree. I’ll smile and keep walking in most cases.
Ckcramer: Thanks for pointing out that it’s not just moms of multiples who receive strange comments. I think at some point all parents are confronted with rude comments or unsolicited advice.
The photo/zoo thing cracked me up!!
Oh it has happened. When my daughters turned two we took them to the zoo for their birthday. It happened to be “Senior Day” and there were lots of grandmas and grandpas excited to see quadruplets. Several of them asked to take pictures of my daughters and were quite disappointed when I said no! But they asked so I can’t complain too much.
Ivanhoe, I bet your brother and sister-in-law are asked all the time whether their triplets are “natural”… and I bet they surprise a lot of people when they say yes!
It’s common in the place and culture where I came from having a huge family, Its not multiples but I think 16 kids is a lot. My grandparents has 16 kids. We are 7 in the family. It fun, the bigger the merrier. You are lucky and blessed to have four beautiful girls.
16 kids… wow. I wonder what type of comments your grandparents heard when they were out with all their children.
Jungletwins: I can’t imagine what it must be like to feel as though you’re a tourist attraction! Hopefully you’re able to grin and bear it. Interesting that people would try to convince you that your twins aren’t twins since they don’t look alike.
I find it funny that your family goes to the zoo and people are wanting to take pics of your kids rather than the zoo life! Ridiculous but funny. What I find silly about the whole fascination with multiples is that you don’t see these types of questions coming up for people with several non-identical kids? Isn’t that so silly? Just because they look alike you have to answer ridiculous questions? Wierd. Anywho, I give you big mommy props for your sense of humor in the face of rude and “over the line” questions. GO MOMMY POWER.
Wow they idea of people asking to take pictures of your girls is well just nuts… I can certainly understand the fasination people might have with four little cuties but prying into how you conceived seems awfully nervy to me.
Yes, it is nuts. When my daughters were born I had a job in the public eye (news anchor) and they were the first quadruplets born in that area, so I understood the fascination. I allowed my TV station to do stories with my family so I never begrudged anyone who felt like they knew me or my daughters. Once we moved to another state we actually received MORE attention from strangers, which has always kind of weirded me out since I am no longer working in such a public job. These people have no idea who I am… they just want pictures of my kids. And what do they want to do with those pictures? Scary.