Apr 22 2009
What Happened to Being Neighborly?
When I was growing up it was common to greet new neighbors as they moved in. You at least went over and said hi, introduced yourself, maybe brought some cookies. I knew all my neighbors by name and they knew me. Even the older neighbors who didn’t get out much would wave as I walked to school. What happened to our neighborhoods?
When Hubby and I bought our first house we lived in a realtively new (and still underconstruction) subdivision. When the house next to us was finished and the neighbors moved in, we went over to introduce ourselves. The parents weren’t home, so we asked the kids to tell them we stopped by. I think we finally met them four months later. I chalked it up to living in a neighborhood where everyone had about an acre of land. When you went outside you didn’t feel like you were in your neighbor’s yard. We were all somewhat isolated and everyone kept to themselves.
Now we live in a neighborhood where you can practically spread your arms out and touch your house and the neighbors. I see my neighbors on a daily basis and I swear they’re avoiding me. No one made an effort to welcome us to the neighborhood when we moved in… not even the board members of our homeowners association, which surprised me. The neighbors on one side of us won’t even look at us when we’re outside. I, of course, say hi and force them to acknowledge me. Strangely enough, they have no problem letting their 7-year-old daughter come play on our swingset when we’re in the back yard. When I take my daughters out for walks people only say hi when we say it first. It is a strange feeling. For all I know there are some really friendly people in this neighborhood… I just haven’t found them, yet.
26 Responses to “What Happened to Being Neighborly?”
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Sorry. I bet people are intimidated by your massive brood!!
I think that might have something to do with it. It seemed like when people found out we had quadruplets they felt they knew everything they needed to know about us.
Luckygirl: That’s awesome that you have such great neighbors. And no, none of our neighbors helped out when we brought the girls home. However, we had a wonderful support system of a group of women in the community who came over a few times a week.
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Stephanie: People are busy and live their own lives. I get that. It doesn’t make you a bad neighbor because at least you talk to people when you see them.
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Maryanne: Maybe that’s my problem… when I’m out walking with my girls people are too busy doing their own thing to really stop and chat. Who knows.
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Ivanhoe: glad you force people to acknowledge you, too!
I could have written your post! Our neighborhood is exactly the same way, down to the “reach out and touch your neighbor” closeness of the homes. I have no idea who the HOA people are, though I know they live only a few houses away. Our neighbors also avoid eye contact unless I make the concerted effort to get their attention first.
There is only one exception: early on, we met our neighbors whose son is 1 year older than ours. I actually talked to them briefly, then found them on MySpace where we chatted by email several times before we actually got together for a playdate. Now, we’re great friends.
Sorry your neighborhood woes. It’s so sad that people don’t welcome each other like they used to.
Sometimes at the pool the other moms will socialize, which at least gives me something to look forward to this summer!
I’m hoping this summer with some new faces in the neighborhood maybe things will change.
You’re right. There are lots of friendly people in the world. You just have to find them.
Maxie
I’m beginning to think all the friendly people in my neighborhood work during the day. Oh well… I’ll find them eventually.
I don’t think the in-laws and I would ever live next door to each other, but at least I know they would say hi to me!!!
well we are lucky most of our neighbors are fairly friendly and the ones on either side can be quite friendly… but maybe we dont give them a chance to be anyrthing else……. there is a house for sale on our street maybe you could relocate and me and K will bring you over some snacks etc… to nibble on while you are unpacking.
I wanted to let you know that I have added you to my blogroll at the new From Huskies to Husbands at http://fromhuskiestohusbands.blogspot.com where I am blogging full time instead of here at Today.com!
its funny when i moved into my house 5 years ago it was like moving back in time. the neighbors came over said hey had a couple ladies bring cookies and pie. now when one of the neighbors are gone we watch there place. i remember it being like that when i was a kid. then i grew up things change i thought it would never be like that again and we moved into this house i was like this is where i want to raise my son.
I felt bad while reading your story, I wonder why there kind of people like that. I guess your neighbor there are not that good, and you can’t count in them when bad things happen. I hope you will meet the nice people aroun your neighborhood. I have the same problem here in my neighborhood coz we are living uptown so most people living here are not from here, they are students. Everytime me and my baby go to the playground I have to stay away from them coz they are in group. I smiled but sometimes i got imbarassed smiling at them and not getting a response. So, I really don’t have friends around here,that made my life adjusting to this place hard.
Shannonf and Aaron43: Can we move in with you? LOL
Dubster: I hope you’ll meet some new people soon. Hang in there… you and I are both bound to find friends in our neighborhoods.
Here’s hoping the summer will be better for friendliness in your neighbourhood. Our nextdoor neighbours introduced themselves when we moved in and they are fairly friendly when we see them (even insist we use their pool in the summer–my kind of neighbours!). We’re on a court, so we know everyone to say hi and we trade bus walking duties with the family across the street. We take their son to the bus with our daughter in the morning and they pick them up in the afternoon.
Most of my neighbors I see in passing. But I take the opportunity to wave at them and most will wave back. There are a few who won’t speak and they pass you all the time. Sad thing is they confess to be Christians.
It is unfortunate and sad to see that people have become more selfish. Even in a country like India where relationships are highly valued things have changed to a considerable extent over the past 10-15 years. But i believe that what we give is what we get. If the neighbors are mean that doesn’t mean that we have to be mean too!
It is unfortunate that this seems all too true everywhere. It seems as if we are turning into untrusting souls. I know when we were growing up you spoke to your neighbors. Now though you are not sure you should. My daughter recently took some baking over to the next door neighbor, and although the neighbor took the offering they did not seem to know what to say to her for bringing the baking over. She states that she got a weird feeling from them. This is sad because my daughter and her family are very friendly people.
www.wantingtowork.today.com
Sadly, I think that happens anywhere. My daughter asked me the other day where our neighbors are, and I didn’t have a response. When we moved in 5 years ago, we threw a big party (for all 50 houses). Food, booze, etc. Almost everyone came and it was really fun! Gradually, everyone stopped leaving their houses. On neighborhood walks, the landscapers outnumber the residents. Very sad. I’m still searching for the great nabe where people bring you casseroles when you move in. Here’s hoping!